At the Lovers Grove founding, I began to wear a leather cord with a shell for my vow as Sacred Lover and a caduceus to symbolize my vow as Sacred Messenger. This summer, I sweatted through the cord and so i needed to replace it.

The other day, I was preparing a new cord. As part of that, I did a small ritual to reconnect with my vows and to reaffirm them.

The Sacred Lover vow was easy. It's hard work, but it's work that calls to my core.

Facing the description of the Office of Sacred Messenger is hard. My stomach clenched when I re-read that page. The idea of being that open is frightening and unapproachable. I still value the work. I think soon, I'll even be back to a place where I could do the sort of sharing of stories of love with a big audience that calls for. I have no idea how to make that happen, and I don't think I alone am going to be able to change that.

Then, I read my personal messenger vow. Ah, yes, that's something I can do. I can write here, I can share with the people I run across. If something bigger comes along, I can face that, but that's probably not going to be something I just pull out of a hat.

Later, I was going to the gym and I found myself thinking of and calling to Hermes. I'm not the one who brought Hermes to Lovers Grove. I was just starting to get to know him when things blew up and I was left as the only one in the grove. I haven't been able to reach out to him since.

Finally, I was able to reach out this weekend. Typically i've found that pushing myself physically makes a good Hermes offering, and I did that. Didn't hear much back, but that's OK.

It was a time for me to say "I'm still here; I feel you out there. Here's where I am as a messenger; here's what I can do on my own. The rest, if you want to help with that, we need to talk."

Eo Hermes