A number of topics have been running around my head, all of which will presumably turn into blog entries at some point or another:

• A friend of mine called on those who can stand up against the abuse that is rampaging through our country to do so. As a white male, I can speak more safely than a lot of people. I need to figure out what her message means for me.

• I wrote about how I was gaining an understanding of what I lacked in my spiritual work, and soon I'd be exploring how to manifest what I seek. It's been more like back in July I was beginning to understand what I lack, and now I'm approaching being able to talk about that lack.

• Last week, a friend asked me what sort of community I was looking for; he tried to understand how my writing fits into that. I gave an answer, only to realize that while it was what I thought I was doing, it was wrong. I think I begin to understand what the right answer is.

• The same friend and I had an interesting conversation about nihilism and spirituality a few months ago. I have notes, and I learned a lot about what I'm trying to do. I'd like to turn that into something others might understand.

• Several of my friends have written some really important things. This probably won't directly result in blog posts here, but it is taking up a lot of processing.

And then, some fiction is trying to get out. It's a story about boundaries--both about how we get to take risks, no matter how crazy they seem to others, but also about how we get to assert strong boundaries when we need them.

Finally, today, I was running at the gym. I listened to part of the playlist from my 40th birthday party. I was sad: my world has shattered along with many others since then. I no longer have a community capable of that kind of party. And yet, I realized in retrospect how powerful that moment was. It was beautiful and I'm glad to have had it. It also represents something I deeply want--something I'm still willing to strive for even though I'm starting further down the mountain and some of the easy passes seem to have collapsed.