It's been another month where there's been more doing than blogging. We met with one potential lawyer, who concluded that what we were asking about was beyond his practice. Several other lawyers have also turned us down. We have run across some very interesting NH case law though. Chuck has been spending a lot of time on this quest.

I've been filling in details on the Lovers Grove website, although most of that is not linked in yet. We definitely could use help with our web presence and soon, I think, that will be critical.

We've been struggling with a bit of a conflict that popped up at the ritual. Any spiritual group will eventually face questions of how it deals with disagreement and how different views and needs are balanced. I would have preferred to wait a bit longer before starting this exploration. However, Chuck and I have already done work that builds my confidence we'll be able to handle conflict with the grove and move forward. It's been hard and painful work, but it has been productive. As a side effect, I'm more confident of the strength of other relationships in my life.

Parents

My mom called me two days after my birthday to say she has read the initial Lovers Grove post. Apparently my mom decided to Google me; this is apparently the first time she's done that. I'm glad it was that post rather than say this one. I'd talked to her about the grove, although not by name. I had not brought up sexuality directly. My mom was amazingly positive. She didn't want to know about the sexuality, but she saw the value of the work. We talked about how my parents had given me the strength to be who I am today. She volunteered that experiences I had growing up helped me get here; I agreed. I have the most amazing parents even if they frustrate me. Of course, I sure challenge them too.

The Erotic Story

I wrote about how I found myself writing an erotic story. I finished a first draft: 21,000 words in about three weeks. I'm quite proud of the quality and what I explored. It definitely is erotica, but to me at least the primary purpose is an exploration of emotions around sexuality rather than sexual gratification on the part of the reader.

It's been amazingly positive. I've used it to open up about some of my fantasies and hopes with my lovers and have gained a whole new level of confidence with myself as a lover. I get to have these desires; I need not feel shame. Facing down my fear, accepting it, and walking past it made me a stronger person. The openness and vulnerability I went through in exploring that helped significantly in strengthening already strong connections.

I feel really proud of the Sacred Lover work I've done here, and I think there will be a significant Sacred Messenger of the Grove component here. I think this will be something I can refer to in asking people to explore shame and fear and what they mean.

I've found a volunteer editor and hope to have the story available to the public before the end of the month. That process has been interesting in and of itself. I'm shocked at how strong many peoples' reactions to gay erotica and descriptions of gay sex is. I can understand that not being your thing, but why is the reaction stronger than "I'll skip over that part?"

It continues to be fun to use the make believe parts of my brain and to fully deploy my imagination.